Having kids rocked my world. I had no idea what I was in for and was ill-prepared for motherhood. As I looked in the hospital bassinet at a tiny one-day old Ava, she terrified me. Perhaps it was my mother’s instinct signaling to me some of the challenges that this very special little girl would present along the way, or just new mother jitters, but I felt as though I was lost in a new country where I didn’t speak the language.
Three and a half years later, I had triplets. My feelings were different. I was no longer a new mom with new mom jitters, but now I was navigating a whole new world of higher order multiples. I was no longer scared; I was resigned. I strapped on that nursing bra, collaborated with my partner, enlisted some help and went full speed ahead into four children under four.
The last nine years have brought out the worst in me and the very best in me. I have learned to be patient in the many hectic moments with the kids during the day and appreciate the solitude and quiet maybe more than the average person when the kids go to bed. Sometimes I feel like I my days are filled with all of the love and laughter and excitement in the world as seen through my children’s eyes, and some days I feel like a prisoner in my own life.
Yesterday the triplets started Kindergarten and Ava started 4th grade. I dropped them off at school and I didn’t feel sad or lonely. I felt like I made it. I put my kids in the best possible school I could find where they will learn and be loved and nurtured every day. I will still get plenty of quality time with them. And I will have more day-to-day quality time for me.
I know I was supposed to cry and carry on about how much I would miss them, but I didn’t. I love those kids to the end of the earth and back, AND I am ready to set them out into the world and watch them grow.
Kudos to my eldest child who has now gone to three different elementary schools determined to make friends and do the best job possible at each school. That isn’t easy to do but Ava has made it look easy.
If you want to visit me I will be out by the pool with a mimosa in one hand and a bon bon in the other.
Until next time, the mothership is signing off.